Why Men Don't Dance

Most women are familiar with this problem: the music is right, a few drinks have been consumed, the dance floor is full, but the man sitting next to them won't get up to dance! Why?! The first step understand why many many are reluctant to cut a rug; I think there are a few reasons. Then I'll offer a few ideas for the ladies to get men out on the floor.

The biggest reason men don't dance is fear. No one wants to make a fool of themselves. No one wants to make a presentation with food in their teeth or trip on a crowded street. Men fear embarrassment on the dance floor. Some of this fear is what women will think but mainly I think the fear is what other men will think. There is a stigma that straight men shouldn't like to dance. And if they do it is only acceptable when pursuing or pleasing a woman. Dancing, and enjoying it, is for women and gay men.

In general, men especially straight men, are expected to maintain control, to have a poker face. Excessive display of emotion is seen as weakness. While this is often damaging, this poker face can be useful in many public relationships, such as business or political situations where it is advantageous to project strength and confidence. Also, straight women quite often subconsciously or consciously are attracted to these projections of strength and confidence. And if a male is not confident in their ability to perform as a dancer they may see not dancing as the best way to maintain this show of control. In essence men see dancing in a public as a test for which they have not prepared and for which they will be publicly graded.

The gender expectations for women, whether right or wrong is that they are expected to show their emotions and to express themselves. They have less of need to maintain a show of strength. Also, I think women just have more dance experience from childhood on. Many women I know dance by themselves or in small groups from a young age. Men generally don't do this. We're not as likely to get up and dance by ourselves, and forget dancing with our buddies. This only increases the dance gap between the sexes as we grow older.

So, how do women solve this problem? Probably the best way to encourage men to dance is to practice in private. If they are willing to dance in private and you boost their confidence in their performance you'll be more likely to get them on the dance floor in public.

Another strategy is to treat learning to dance as a skill and project dancing as a skill for men to master. Encouraging men to learn various specific dance moves, even if only in jest, (say funny disco or MC Hammer moves) will appeal to many males' interests in challenges and skill learning. But keep in mind it could be a long road if the male has no history of dancing.

Sop, if the big moment arrives and the male is still hesitant, another simple technique is to lessen the expectation of performance. Say something like, "Let's go make fools of ourselves out there," or "No one is watching," even if its not true.

Good luck!